Looking Back From Over the Fence

Last time it was a serious piece and it’s done and over with so I believe its time for a few laughs at the expense of our menfolk just between me and my sisters out there.  I apologize in advance to my male readers whether cis or trans, but I know you guys out there who have the privilege living with a woman, laugh at watching us as we go through our little day to day mini-dramas just trying to decide what shoes and accessories to wear just to do grocery shopping.  Of course, this is definitely not true for all women, but even those sisters can still understand how some of us change costumes from head to toe according to our moods, the weather or the occasion before us and sometimes that can mean more than a few costume changes in a single day.

Men, on the other hand, can’t figure out why we need more than one suitcase , a dress and footwear bags and maybe a cosmetic bag and of course a beach tote, beach towel, beach chair umbrella, sandals, swimsuit, sunscreen, a moisturizer, and perhaps a good book for a week’s vacation at the beach.  They also seem to not be able to fathom our need for more than two pairs of shoes, one brown and one black, the same two choices of colors for their belts and wallets.

Then there is the bathroom, where a guy needs only soap, shampoo, shaving cream, razor, hairbrush, comb , toothbrush and paste.  Did I forget anything guys because it has been a while for me?  In a woman’s bathroom, we have at least 30 or 40 items for which a man couldn’t even name , much less how they could possibly be used.

Speaking of shoes, those have been a real challenge for me because I wear a woman’s size 12W or 13 and even the Payless™ store where I buy most of my shoes doesn’t carry nearly the variety of ladies footwear in my size and when I go there, I want to cry when I look over in the size 10 or even 11 section because even in their online catalogue, you could count the choices of styles and colors in size 12-13 on one hand.  That means my color combinations with the rest of my wardrobe are going to be a challenge as well.

And talk about colors and style choices for ladies lingerie like bras in anything over a size 36DD and underwear in anything over a size 6, especially at Victoria’s Secret, where styles and colors that are in vogue this season are out of stock permanently the next.  Still I had to shop there at least once in my life because I have always dreamed how it would be. It’s just as well that I missed the summer semi-annual sale in June, being in the hospital for back surgery, because I am not going to pay off my afternoon of bliss in March until just before the next semi-annual sale in December.  (See “How much fun could a girl possibly have for six hours in an afternoon?”)

It’s been a hotter and muggier summer in the high altitude prairie of New Mexico, a mile or more  above sea level and often mistakenly called the high desert, even after the sun goes down. For that reason, I have even forgone wearing a bra because it gets damp from sweat and sticks to my skin and I usually have to peel it off.  For me, what I wear under my clothes, which, except for a lover, people are never going to see, are the most expensive part of my wardrobe. I found out one day from a girlfriend and ally since the beginning, that I am far from being an exception.  We even talked about bra shopping at VS, but there just hasn’t been the time, which is just as well,  because I didn’t have the heart to tell her what I just told you earlier about the bliss now, pay later plan.

As for men’s underwear, they have it pretty easy because they only have to decide whether it will be boxers or briefs, usually in a cotton/acrylic blend, in packages of three for $13.95 and then maybe, a three-pack of T-shirts or the classic men’s undershirts, which are back in vogue and very sexy on some men, for around the same price.  For socks, its sport or crew socks in white and dress socks in black or brown. I mean, fifteen minutes in the men’s underwear/sock department and they are done for perhaps the next year. Anything other than white in men’s underwear is for a woman to buy for her man and even in the men’s underwear section, it could take a woman an hour checking out all the colors and styles that men might otherwise skip so they can get out of Dodge as quickly as is humanly possible.

Having been an unwitting spy in the enemy camp for over six decades, I can tell you absolutely that men just really don’t have the slightest clue what it’s like being a woman with all the choices and necessities we have to consider.  If you look at the average department store like JC Penney’s™, except for housewares and those labor-saving appliances (Yeah, right!) for the ladies and sport equipment like fishing gear and tools, the men’s clothing section is the size of an average living room or den, and it still carries about everything a man might need in clothing for any season, whereas the rest of the store , perhaps as much of two-thirds of it is devoted to women with separate departments for women’s tops. slacks,  jeans, skirts, dresses, outerwear, jewelry, hats, gloves, purses, cosmetics, shoes, and of course, lingerie and sleepwear.  Of course, we ladies would just as soon keep our little secret about having more fun, because if men really knew how much more fun we have being women, we would have to kill them and then where would that leave us?

Deanna Joy

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About Deanna Joy Hallmark

I am a post-op transgender woman who has now completed transition and living my life as the woman I was born to be. I have been writing my blog, now titled "A Spy in the Enemy Camp - A transgender woman’s perspective from having lived as a man among men" since December 2011. Originally a record of my process and feelings in transition, last summer in 2013 it took on observations from both sides of the gender binary and now will also be looking at my past life pretending to be the man I never was and how it finally brought me to where I am today, the beautiful intelligent woman I had always believed I should have been since I was little.
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One Response to Looking Back From Over the Fence

  1. Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
    ALAS….WOMEN ARE MUCH MORE COMPLICATED….IN ALL KINDS OF WAYS!!!!! 🙂

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