Until One is Committed

This is from a Facebook post I posted 2 years ago today, December 30, 2014.
I am practiced in setting intentions with no idea how they will be accomplished. It requires raising my level of consciousness to put the challenge into my higher power’s hands, to which I call God, and let God’s will be done. W. H. Murray, a member of a 1951 Himalaya Expedition said this:
“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way. I learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets: 
‘Whatever you can do or dream you can begin it.
  Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.”
-end of original post-
This quotation was my inspiration to commit myself to going to Thailand as I had researched and planned in order to complete my physical transition. I set a date for surgery with Preecha Aesthetic Institute 7 months away, booked my flights and made a deposit, all the while clueless how or from where the resources would manifest. Yet it did manifest from an unexpected source within two months with enough money to spare.
Now I am faced with a challenge of the heart that seems like child’s play compared to my transition process. However, I do not yet have the same level of willingness as before to put this challenge into God’s hands, that his will be done!
I shall pray that I will not allow myself to usurp God’s will being done!
Deanna Joy Hallmark
Posted in Gratitude, Providence, The Road to Bangkok | 2 Comments

Happy 5th Birthday and the Transgender Bodhisattva

Yesterday, November 27, 2016  marked my 5th anniversary of coming out to the world and beginning my life as Deanna.  soon after I would start this blog under the name, “I Am Deanna.”

I went to the place where it all began, Embodydance Santa Fe, where I publicly came out to this loving community of dancers after having had a mystical experience at 3 am that morning when my whole body convulsed multiple times. I knew in my heart that I could never go back to pretending to be the man known as David.  I stood up in the closing circle and declared to all who were there that “I can no longer live or be seen as a man.”

Before the dance, I created an altar commemorating this special day as shown below. altar-3In the center is two pictures, the one on the left was taken on December 15, 2011 and on the right, taken on my webcam at home before I went.  In the center is a statue of Quan Yin, the the bodhisattva of infinite compassion. The elephant statues represent my traveling to Bangkok, Thailand to have my surgery, thus completing my full transition to the woman I am today. 

Kwan Yin originated in India as a male deity and was brought to China in that form. Ancient representations of Kwan Yin often include a pencil-thin mustache and a small goatee. But because compassion and mercy were categorized as “feminine” virtues, portrayals of Kwan Yin got progressively effeminate over time as artists tried to capture that essence in their work. During the Song Dynasty (about 1000-1200 C.E.), Chinese artists just threw in the towel completely and turned Kwan Yin into a woman.

So begins my sixth year as the woman I always thought I should have been!

Deanna Joy Hallmark



Posted in Transgender | 2 Comments

In Grateful Thanks I Pray

As much as I was disappointed by yesterday’s Presidential election, I stand with the conviction that all is as it should be. To sow fear and anger for those who do not share my values or beliefs is counterproductive to the raising of the consciousness of the planet.
I now accept and know that the spirit of the one life of God that is my life now is directing the minds and hearts of our elected leaders and all those in service to our country as it directs me to give grateful thanks to be a citizen of the United States of America and of the world. I release my word into the law of LOVE!
And so it is!

Deanna Joy Hallmark

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When Selfishness Becomes Surrender


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The Edge of the Abyss


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Musings in my Garden

A praying mantis inches it’s way up
my pink stucco wall
It seeks no destination
For only we seek happiness
When happiness is in the journey itself.

Sitting in front of the fire pit
I dug for us to kindle our new friendship
Today I dig it deeper still
to rekindle memories of happy times
instead of all the sorrow.

Deanna Joy 8-27-16

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My GOD Box

I have a beautiful little box, a recent birthday gift from a loving friend, which I call my GOD box. I keep it in a special place and when I have something or someone to which or to whom I am unwilling to surrender my will, I write it on a little piece of paper and put it in the box, thus surrendering it over to GOD’s will to be done. From then on, I never take it out!

Deanna Joy

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Transgender girl helps to create center for trans people near Westboro Baptist Church | Daily Mail Online:

I got this via Moore’s Closet. Thanks Kira for sharing it.Trans house in  Westboro 

Transgender girl helps to create center for trans people near Westboro Baptist Church    | Daily Mail Online:

Deanna Joy

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I’m Trans, I’m Proud, Get Over It

Here I am in the 2016 Santa Fe Pride Parade!

2016 Santa Fe Pride

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Men are funny about things like that

Having once lived in the enemy camp, as it were, one of the many things I now enjoy in being the woman I have always believed I was meant to be is that I can usually find ways to make the best use of my time, such as standing in a long line to use a public women’s restroom. I always use the wait as an opportunity to meet my neighbors in the line.  On rare occasions while living in the enemy camp, I have observed some men doing that, but most of the time they seemed to be far more focused on doing their business as quickly as possible, simply because THEY CAN!

Another thing I have observed in many men is that men can sometimes be impatient when they have to wait to use a gender-neutral one seater and a woman is taking more time than men think she should.   Sometime last fall I was at my gym and witnessed a man say out loud in the presence of myself and another woman “Women don’t seem to know how to hurry up.”  I held my tongue but wanted to say to him “If you had blood coming out of your ass or some other downstairs orifice on a monthly cycle or had to wrangle in and out of your clothes just to pee as we sometimes must do, or even bothered to wash your hands and check your makeup and such every time you used a toilet, you wouldn’t be so quick to judge.” The other woman seemed puzzled probably because she doesn’t have the inside dope on men like I do. She remarked “What’s his problem!”  I turned face to her and she to mine and we both burst out laughing. I don’t know about her, but it made my day!

On the subject of toilet seats, one of the first things I immediately noticed at the beginning of my transition when I only would pee sitting down brought a new understanding about why woman insist that men put the toilet seat down after peeing, especially in the woman’s own home where she can reasonably expect it to be down. It made total sense why men often seem oblivious, even to the point of making a snide sexist remark about why we insist upon it.  If men had to always turn hind side when approaching a toilet, especially at night, they might understand. Or would they?

Men really are funny about things like that. Still, ya gotta love em!

Deanna Joy






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