The Road to Bangkok: About Saving Face

My good online girlfriend Robyn Alice introduced me to a friend of hers who had her own GRS with Dr. Preecha.  I asked her about the hair removal thing around the surgical site and learned that she didn’t have any and did not regret it.  It left me in a quandary but I listened to my body and now I have now reconsidered the wisdom of going through with the pain of laser hair removal and bearing a cost over the next 12 months that is the equivalent to 20% of the cost of my procedure, not including the interest and the cost of gas to travel the 100 mile round trip between Santa Fe and Albuquerque with the benefits now seeming questionable at the very least.  I am going to call the spa and tell them that I have decided not to proceed with what yesterday I was excited to be making on my journey to completion of my transition.

One thing that I taught myself at the very beginning of my transition which I spoke about on my page Coming Out As Deanna , is that I can change my mind without losing face.  I didn’t seem to be able to do this graciously when I was still pretending to be the man I never was. I have a sense that this is a shadow shared by many men and women that has become a way to characterize women as being unable to make up our minds, which is used use to bolster one’s own ego at the expense of others

As in the beginning, each day I am becoming more and more the woman I said I would be by the time I have my surgery, a woman who is beautiful, resourceful and in full charge of her life without all the attachments I have created in my life to compensate for my feelings of inadequacy.

Inadequate I most certainly am not.

Deanna Joy

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About Deanna Joy Hallmark

I am a post-op transgender woman who has now completed transition and living my life as the woman I was born to be. I have been writing my blog, now titled "A Spy in the Enemy Camp - A transgender woman’s perspective from having lived as a man among men" since December 2011. Originally a record of my process and feelings in transition, last summer in 2013 it took on observations from both sides of the gender binary and now will also be looking at my past life pretending to be the man I never was and how it finally brought me to where I am today, the beautiful intelligent woman I had always believed I should have been since I was little.
This entry was posted in Gratitude, Shadow, Taking charge, The Road to Bangkok and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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