It’s been weeks since my last post and in the meantime, I have moved once again, this time to share a house with a woman. Also, last Saturday, the 7th of July was my birthday and I had not made any plans to celebrate it but when my new landlady/housemate said I could invite friends over anytime, I decided to send out emails to several lists and post a birthday event on Facebook.
Due to the lateness of the announcement and the fact that my birthday follows only three days behind the 4th of July holiday, one of the few celebrated on the actual date besides the big three holidays of mid-winter, I was hoping against hope that the turnout might actually be more than the two men that showed up two years ago and the men who showed up last year to mark the day because it was also our regular weekly men’s gathering and, in that regard, it was more than dismal as the only two who RSVPed cancelled at the last minute and one other woman showed up late to an empty house, save for myself.
The consolation was that when my new housemate got home from work at around 9:30 pm, we shared a bottle of wine and some grilled meat and veggies on the back patio and an hour or so of conversation as sisters, which was a first for me but felt as natural as if I had been living as a girl all of my life.
The next day, Sunday, I went to my spiritual community, the Celebration and I asked my piano-playing gay friend if he would get up during the “sharing” portion of our service and lead the congregation in his version of “Happy Birthday” which has become the new standard played at any of our community events. Afterwards I went out to lunch with some friends but there was no other special acknowledgement. After that, instead of going to Embodydance, I felt sleepy and so went home and took a nap instead.
With all that didn’t happen with regards to this special day, I am feeling drained of energy when I have been having so much more energy in my life not having to pretend to be someone who I’m not anymore after sixty two plus years.
It was a disappointment but not at all tragic. The anticipation raised my energy level and the denouement left me feeling drained. Yet at the core of my being, it was magical.
Happy Birthday, Deanna Joy!