“It Just Comes With the Territory”

You might be asking yourself when I will be coming up for air and take a break from blogging. Already I have posted eight times in half as many days . Tomorrow is the 4th of July holiday and you can be sure that I’m not going to be anywhere near my laptop  for most of the three-day weekend.  Of course now that I am retired from the day to day rat race, every day is a day off for me and every weekend is a seven-day weekend much less a three-day one. Now I should probably get on with the reason I wrote this post in the first place.

Personally, I never liked overly large-breasted women except for their personalities because it made them look top heavy and unbalanced. I have always had a bust since I was in Jr. High that were prominent enough that I couldn’t undress in the boys locker room until they were dressed for gym class or had already showered and dressed to go on to another class.  Hormone therapy didn’t make them any larger but did make them a bit firmer underneath the nipples, which have always been sensitive and which are now more sensitive since starting HRT.  I also don’t have to shave them anymore except in a very great while. I still have to shave my gray whiskers daily but it is simply part of my morning routine as is dilating which is one of the greatest thrills of my day.

Now that I am of the age when most women with those large breasts and even smaller ones begin to sag, mine are perky like a teenager and best of all are mine and didn’t cost me a dime to enhance except with the right bra. Summertime means that I wear strapless dresses with enough elastic for my perky boobs to hold the dress up and I forgo wearing a bra because I would have to peel the cups off every so often because of perspiration. I am proud of my bust and always wear clothing that emphasizes my figure, just like a lot of other women I know.

If I want a little cleavage then I wear a well fitted padded push up from Victoria’s Secret because I couldn’t find any in other stores like Dillard’s that did the job and were comfortable. They cost more than anything else in my wardrobe but I have only three including a convertible one that I use as a strapless, except of course, when its too hot.

As to the other two, I have stopped wearing them except on very rare occasions. When I see them in my bra drawer, I often wonder what was I thinking and why did I even buy them in the first place? Oh yeah, I remember now, they do fit well and unless it’s hot are very comfortable and give me a little extra “umph” as the VS Associates like to say. Also I have always fantasized shopping at Victoria’s Secret and now that I’ve fulfilled my fantasy, I remember that it took over six months to pay off my “Angels” card for the six hours of heavenly bliss I experienced the first time I shopped there. (see How much fun could a girl possibly have for six hours in an afternoon?)

I even toss my VS Catalogues in the recycling bin as soon as I receive them because looking at them now doesn’t excite me like they used to do and I know that the models are more than likely airbrushed to make them appear flawless. Besides, I don’t really know any women who look like they do and I don’t want to be noticed by men because of just my outer beauty. I know that if a man wants to be with me, he had better love me for ME!

Having a “cooch” instead of that other thing was far more important to me anyway and now that I have mine, my feelings about a bigger bust has become far less important than before.  That doesn’t mean I don’t think about it anymore. After all, I am a girl inside and out and sometimes must compare myself to other women. The way I see it is that it just comes with the territory.

Deanna Joy Hallmark

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About Deanna Joy Hallmark

I am a post-op transgender woman who has now completed transition and living my life as the woman I was born to be. I have been writing my blog, now titled "A Spy in the Enemy Camp - A transgender woman’s perspective from having lived as a man among men" since December 2011. Originally a record of my process and feelings in transition, last summer in 2013 it took on observations from both sides of the gender binary and now will also be looking at my past life pretending to be the man I never was and how it finally brought me to where I am today, the beautiful intelligent woman I had always believed I should have been since I was little.
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