An Open Letter to All Who Dream of the Impossible

The following letter is one I wrote which started out as a reply to a comment made by a reader who responded to my last post, “Free at Last, Free at last…”  While it is addressed to her, I offer it as a gift to all who dream of the impossible.

Dear April,

I have been down that road before and although I can’t feel with you with how you must be feeling at this moment, I can tell you how hard it was to be happy for a blogger friend while she reported about the progress of her surgery going on in Thailand in January 2013 and the anguish I felt that I could not imagine how I would ever get there myself.

My nightly ritual would be to sit in my front room alone late in the evening in the darkness of winter and sing to myself the words of the classic Disney song from the movie “Pinocchio” which became the signature tune of “Disney’s Wonderful World of Color.” That song, of course, is “When you wish upon a star.”

Weeping softly, I would sit hugging my Teddy bear I had bought myself for Christmas at my therapist’s suggestion to represent my little girl inside. The second stanza was my favorite and my shining beacon of hope, just like the star to which Jiminy Cricket sang which still touches my heart and I believe shall always be there with me as long as I breathe air and drink water. The words  go like this:

“When your heart is in your dream,
No request is too extreme,
When you wish, upon a star,
As dreamers do.”

While I can’t presume that your experience will turn out as mine did, April, nor do I wish to give you any false hope, I believe in the magical power of prayer, not praying for a wish to be fulfilled, but praying in deep gratitude that my wish has already been fulfilled.

Blessings upon you, dear friend and to all who dream of the impossible,

Deanna Joy Hallmark

 

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About Deanna Joy Hallmark

I am a post-op transgender woman who has now completed transition and living my life as the woman I was born to be. I have been writing my blog, now titled "A Spy in the Enemy Camp - A transgender woman’s perspective from having lived as a man among men" since December 2011. Originally a record of my process and feelings in transition, last summer in 2013 it took on observations from both sides of the gender binary and now will also be looking at my past life pretending to be the man I never was and how it finally brought me to where I am today, the beautiful intelligent woman I had always believed I should have been since I was little.
This entry was posted in Gratitude, Possibilities, The Power of Myth and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to An Open Letter to All Who Dream of the Impossible

  1. April says:

    Deanna, just the fact that you took the time and effort to write this and share it for everyone is like a hug from an old friend. Thank you. You’re amazing.

    I get the part about struggling with someone else’s success; happy for them and anguish for self are poor bedfellows. It’s still hard for me to have the happiness without the anguish when it’s someone fighting the same battle as I am, but take, well, you, for example: I commiserate because struggle is universal, but when you have your victory, I can be purely ecstatic for you because your solution is not my own. I was so happy to see your smiling face in Thailand! Truly, truly happy to see you so happy, with absolutely no reservations or envy.

    What makes it harder on me is seeing someone else resolve their infertility. I *know* their family-building is in no way lessening my chance. I know with my head that it’s definitely not a case of there’s only so many babies to go around, but that’s hard to explain to my emotions.

    Am I explaining this properly? I hope so. I love rooting for you and my other trans friends because I can be happy for you without being sad for me.

    But my comment before was my lowest of the low point. Having to put our cat to sleep was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me on Tuesday. Everything came back to me at once, but your post was there to show me that hey, bad things happen, but good things happen too. I desperately needed that. Thank you again.

    • April, your response has got to be the longest response I have ever received in the 2 1/2 years I have been writing this blog. Almost a letter in itself. Reading my letter and reading your response touches my heart even more so and I wonder if it will ever stop. Be well my unseen friend. Deanna Joy

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