My Life from Finish to Start

I was sitting in my car this afternoon by the Santa Fe Railyard having just gotten out of a downpour of rain with the help of my housemate Baji who luckily had a golf size umbrella big enough for the two of us. She then went to her own car and I continued to sit there for probably close to ¾hour enjoying the rain and having a couple pulls on a glass pipe with a pinch of pot and thinking how I would go about writing my book I’ve been promising myself to write after completing my transition, now a little more than three months ago.  I was thinking that perhaps I should establish my timeline for the book marked by significant mileposts in my life where gender related issues played a part toward my coming out and starting my transition officially and publicly on Sunday, November 27, 2011, the day and date  which I would regard as the birthday of Deanna and the passing of David into the great mystery, so to speak.  I have since had a horoscope cast for that day with the time being 3:00am and the location Santa Fe, NM.  With the help of Google Maps, I could pinpoint the longitude and latitude of the house where I was living in degrees, hours and minutes to a couple of decimal places, meaning about a hundredth of a minute for those of you who are geographically-challenged.  That is was comes from being the child of map maker for the US Geological Survey and the US Army Map Service, Far East.

So as I was sitting there in my car I began writing in my head chapter titles as a way to create an outline to my story and it seemed the logical thing to do was to start from the present and work backward in time to my earliest memories of believing I should have been a girl. The last chapter or two would cover the time period from Deanna’s birthday forward to the present which means that by the time I finish the story, I will need to update which I figure can be a part of the Introduction where I explain how I came to write my story. I mean, after all, my story ain’t over yet, not by a long shot.

The next earlier time span would end where the next chapter began and take me back from Coming Out Day backward to when my beloved wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer through my bi-lateral hip replacements and the period following that surgery where I began to seriously think about having my life’s wish fulfilled in this lifetime because I still had doubts whether reincarnation of the soul was real and, if it was, that I might reincarnate as a woman. I decided not to wait until the next life to find out and be a woman in this lifetime before it was too late, meaning, of course, I was dead.

Continuing backward in time, the next significant transition in my life occurred in the Summer and Fall of 2007, when first, I was fired by my employer after having to deal with traffic court to avoid two misdemeanors with possible jail time and two avoidable accidents in our parking lot involving my own vehicle and a tram which both rolled down a incline into customer cars because of my inattention, thus ending my 15 plus year career as a Commercial driver and tour guide.  After that debacle I would enroll to take an all-men’s weekend called the New Warrior Training Adventure™ under the auspices of The Mankind Project™, an International organization of men whose motto is “Changing the world, one man at a time.”  It was through this training and the weekly groups that followed for four more revolutions around our sun where I finally came to grips that I wasn’t a man at all and never was one in the first place.

I think thats a great start, or should I say finish, for now. More to come later.

Deanna Joy






About Deanna Joy Hallmark

I am a post-op transgender woman who has now completed transition and living my life as the woman I was born to be. I have been writing my blog, now titled "A Spy in the Enemy Camp - A transgender woman’s perspective from having lived as a man among men" since December 2011. Originally a record of my process and feelings in transition, last summer in 2013 it took on observations from both sides of the gender binary and now will also be looking at my past life pretending to be the man I never was and how it finally brought me to where I am today, the beautiful intelligent woman I had always believed I should have been since I was little.
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