It is interesting to me that when I was still trying to pretend to be a “straight” guy, even though I was ally to the GLBT communities, I still was abhorrent to watching or even imagining men kissing or otherwise publicly displaying affection for each other in real life or in the media.
Now that I am behaving like the woman I always was and with my romantic/sexual preference remaining toward women, seeing gay men publicly displaying their affection to each other in real life or the media sometimes brings tears of joy to my eyes as it does for women, lesbian or otherwise.
The only thought with which I can come up in regard to this change of attitude and physical reaction since I began transitioning into my wildest dream since I was young, is that as I was getting closer to discover what I had been denying or had suppressed for far too long, I was trying to convince myself that I was most emphatically straight, because I could never see myself in a romantic or sexual relationship with another man, except as a woman. I believe that this struggle to reconcile my feelings in the months leading up to my transition was my unconscious mind’s way to finally lifting the bar blocking the door to the extraordinary life for which I always dreamed, a life that is now my reality.
Now that my preference remains toward women rather then men, I have not discounted the possibility of falling for another man, especially after I have my surgery because I have long dreamed of being a woman being made love to by a man since I was in my teens. Yet the tingling in my body towards women I meet and otherwise love and my penchant for viewing Lesbian films are still on the front burner of my consideration, second only to the completion of my transition as I have imagined as far back as I can remember.
I would like to open this up to my readers to comment their own take on this, if you please, because I can anticipate that there may be other possibilities to this conundrum of my own making that I yet might want to consider.