The day before yesterday I went to the Payless shoe store next to where I get my beauty supplies and bought a pair of red flats. Yesterday, I went to the other Payless shoe store at the mall and bought another pair of white flats and then went to Sears and was able to purchase four items including two skirts, a sequin sweater and some stretchy pants for just over $40 on clearance. Today I went back to the shoe store and bought my first pair of high heels. They were basic black pumps in size 12W and only $20.
I again went to the mall and after checking out some jewelry in one store I walked confidently into the Victoria’s Secret Store and asked the salesgirl to measure me. I was wearing one of the older styles of VS bras which I found in my late partner’s lingerie drawer, a size 38D in black lace which fits me quite well and gives me some cleavage but they don’t carry that style anymore. Too bad!
Her tape measure revealed that I was a 38B/C so I tried on several different bras in 38C without any padding which the salesgirl passed to me over the door to the fitting room and as I could see that none of them showed the cleavage that the one I wore into the store did, she then passed to me several more with push-up pads and I finally decided on a nude one with lace over shaped cups over which I put on my top and opened the door to show the girl how it looked. She smiled and commented how it added just the right amount of shaping. and it was so comfortable I didn’t want to take it off.
Still, I changed back and as I left the fitting room I noticed a sign that said if I applied for an VS credit card I could save $15 on my purchase. Unfortunately, the major credit card I had with me had my old birth name and as I wanted my new name on this card I asked her to write down the information about the bra I had chosen and I could then return later with another card to reapply and get my discount. I had asked her when the next Semi-Annual sale was which wouldn’t be until June but I plan to get this bra because it is so comfortable and makes me feel so beautiful and feminine and looks fabulous.
Still, with all these wonderful experiences in the daytime, I still cry when I’m alone at night because I don’t know whether or not I can complete my transition with surgery before it becomes impossible. For me, not being able to finish what I started has become unthinkable and yet I wonder if I can ever have a sex life as the woman of which I have dreamed for so long and now am so close and yet so far that I want to scream. Damn these hormones!
Deanna Joy Hallmark