On becoming the Divine Bitch

A dear girlfriend of mine, a woman of both extraordinary heart and love of life, Harriette King, wrote a book called “The Divine Bitch Handbook”.  It is available on her website as either a paperback or as a downloadable e-book which she allows you to download for free, but also puts you on your own honor to send a payment through PayPal as an exchange of energy.  I haven’t read the book myself yet, because until recently, I  just wasn’t interested or perhaps I just wasn’t ready to get it, and also as I’m currently going through a major transition in my life, both as a woman becoming and as a recent widow,  I must set priorities that sometimes means that I must go without in order to hold my integrity in check.  It has been one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to teach myself and it has taken the maxing out of three credit cards in the process of living my life as I have always wanted it to be.

In many ways, I believe I have already gotten her message through osmosis or by my own newly discovered “woman’s intuition”, which seems to have allowed me access to the innate, or as I believe Harriette probably alludes to in her book, divine intelligence, which we all possess and from which we are denied access by our own co-created ignorance, or by our unwillingness to take any responsibility for our situation in life by playing the victim of our circumstances.  This brings me now to the point of this whole post to first explain the difference between being assertive and just being a bitch.

The major difference between being assertive and being a bitch, I believe,  is that being assertive is the capacity to view any situation in life as one’s own responsibility to deal with, even though we may not have been consciously aware of our place in co-creating it.  I have had amazing success in accessing this divine intelligence through this past year of transitioning, by simply having seen my being transgender as a special gift, rather than as my burden in life to bear.  In contrast to assertiveness, being “just a bitch” is all about making the situation all about ourselves and in the very process, often acting out in inappropriate ways to get what we want,  just as a child may throw a tantrum when she feels that life has been unfair to her.  My life this past year has become nothing short of miraculous, because, in the very beginning of my journey and in writing this Blog, I chose that I was going to both succeed in my journey and that I was going to have fun doing it.

This capacity to take full responsibility for my transition has become what many folks may refer to as a Godsend, or in my case, Goddessend, except that I have recognized that am that Goddess or at least the co-creator of my experience, for which I have taken responsibility.  At times, I have slipped back into that place of playing the victim, but for the most part , I have held on to the firm belief that I can choose to be in charge of any situation that may show up in front of me.

I could go into many instances where I have found myself both as victim and co-creator, but that would be adding a lot of unnecessary story to simply illustrate my point.  I often get into the stories on my blog because, through the process of putting these past events on paper, and then reading them back, I am able to get a clearer idea of what had brought me to write the post at all,  just like when I putter around my spaces talking to myself out loud, as if I were speaking to another person. In a sense that other person, to which I am talking, is just another part of myself.  I don’t need to do this in this instance because what I am telling you now, has come into my consciousness like an epiphany.

Well, there you have it and I hope I have been helpful, but as I know full well,  the Goddess in ourselves will only give to us what we are willing to take responsibility for, in our journey.

Deanna Joy

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About Deanna Joy Hallmark

I am a post-op transgender woman who has now completed transition and living my life as the woman I was born to be. I have been writing my blog, now titled "A Spy in the Enemy Camp - A transgender woman’s perspective from having lived as a man among men" since December 2011. Originally a record of my process and feelings in transition, last summer in 2013 it took on observations from both sides of the gender binary and now will also be looking at my past life pretending to be the man I never was and how it finally brought me to where I am today, the beautiful intelligent woman I had always believed I should have been since I was little.
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One Response to On becoming the Divine Bitch

  1. Pingback: On becoming the Divine Alpha Female | I am Deanna

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