An addendum to “On becoming the Divine Bitch

I forgot one more important additon to my last post and I wish to offer it here as an addendum.

The lesson I have had to learn about both “energy exchange” and keeping my integrity in check, I must now acknowledge and express my deepest gratitude to my dearly departed and beloved wife, Carol, because she was the one from which I finally learned about what integrity really means.

I must also include in my acknowledgement to Carol, an acknowledgement to our dear son, Michael, who we brought into the world as an expression of our love for each other.  He taught me the meaning of compassion, for he was one that often put others above himself and his Scoutmaster once said to both Carol and I,  that although he didn’t complete all of the requirements to become an Eagle Scout, even though he was a hair’s breath away from completion, that if his Scoutmaster could, he would make Michael an Honorary Eagle Scout, because Michael demonstrated by his compassion for other people, the true meaning of what becoming an Eagle Scout was really all about.

In the process of recognizing this and making amends for not taking responsibility before, I have become innately sensitive to now making the time to ensure that I just don’t freeload on others intellectual property or their goodwill in allowing me to access work, such as attending a performance or other event without paying, without also offering some form of “energy exchange” in  return for their goodwill.

It has been a hard lesson to learn and I now recognize my own responsibility in damming up the flow of energy by simply not being willing to recognize my own responsibility in my life, where I have chosen to be victim to my circumstances and simply taking without offering a form of expression of my gratitude in either an exchange of energy directly to the provider of the benefit I received, or by the practice of “paying forward” to another in some future time, as an expression of my gratitude for goods or services rendered to myself, even in the case where the person who offered the benefit, had no expectation of return.

Deanna Joy

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About Deanna Joy Hallmark

I am a post-op transgender woman who has now completed transition and living my life as the woman I was born to be. I have been writing my blog, now titled "A Spy in the Enemy Camp - A transgender woman’s perspective from having lived as a man among men" since December 2011. Originally a record of my process and feelings in transition, last summer in 2013 it took on observations from both sides of the gender binary and now will also be looking at my past life pretending to be the man I never was and how it finally brought me to where I am today, the beautiful intelligent woman I had always believed I should have been since I was little.
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