For the last couple of days I haven’t gotten much sleep. A year ago on this weekend after Thanksgiving is when I began my transition with an announcement to my Embodydance community that I no longer could live my life as a man. The actual date is not until Tuesday, November 27, but it is more important for me to mark the anniversary as the Sunday after Thanksgiving because I again will be at the dance and I can share the anniversary with the community as I shared the start of my transition on that Sunday one year ago.
I have come a long way since then and my fellow dancers have been amazed at the progress I have made in that time as they have watched me week after week for the past year.
But that is not what has keeping me up all night. What is keeping me up is that I have it within my means to complete my transition before my 64th birthday in July. I should have all of my ducks in a row, medically and psychologically, by February, when I began my hormone therapy last year and all I need to do now is find a way to finance the $21,000 I need for the surgery in Thailand and for the travel and hotel expenses for a 4 to 6 week stay. I will soon have my new name on a credit card that has been in my old name for many years and which I haven’t used since I started living apart from my late dear wife in February two years ago. It has a $13000 line of credit and the present balance is around $700.
I hope to find a means to beg or borrow the money at a lower interest rate and I could be in debt until I die but it doesn’t matter. When I came out a year ago my familiar way of being for over 62 years would have thought it next to impossible and I didn’t have a clue as to how it could be done but I knew that it had to be done or die trying.
In a post last January entitled The Road shared with my Sisters I wrote:
One of the greatest gifts I have received in this process so far, and that which I hope will sustain me through the year or so to come to that day when I wake up with a vagina, is that the whole process of getting there will help to define me as Deanna, the woman I’ve always wanted to be.
I have been visualizing stepping off the plane in Bangkok and saying “I can hardly believe I’m really here.” It’s 4:00 am and time to dream.
Deanna Joy Hallmark