Happy birthday, Sagittarius

Well, I did it.  Yesterday I drove down to Albuquerque and enrolled in Bartender School.  I have been wanted to go down there all week but I have been too tired and sick to even get myself ready until I got ready for a meeting of a group in which I belong and which my wife also belongs. This group was where I actually came out to my wife along with the rest of the members back during my big coming out week in December.

It was somewhat disconcerting that as I began to fill out the application, I wrote my first name as David instead of Deanna and then pulled the top sheet off the clipboard, put it in my lap and started over.  Whew!  Thank goodness there were more applications on the clipboard so that I didn’t have to ask for another.  So I will begin on Saturday, the day after tomorrow and I’m both excited and scared.

Anyway, I drove back to Santa Fe and stopped by the Staples store to pick up some things for the course including a file box for my recipe file that I will make from the recipes in the textbook.  That had black boxes but I figured every guy would get a black one so I got hot pink.  At least I won’t find it hard to tell mine from the others in the class.  I wonder if there are other women in the class because I forgot to ask.

I got back to my motel room and was so energized that I decided to go to Embodydance, my sacred dance space to which I was recently elected to the board.  Earlier I had thought about skipping it, thinking I would be too tired from driving to Albuquerque and back.  After the dance there was a party to carry on the energy of the evening.  It was potluck so I went to the supermarket and bought some snacks.

I have never really socialized that much since becoming Deanna and this evening was incredible.  I had a nice long conversation with one of the men who has been watching me through my transition. Remember now, this is the first community of people I came out to only three and a half months ago. We were talking about birthdays and astrology and he asked my when Deanna’s birthday was.  I had to check my calendar book to figure out the date and finally figured out that Deanna’s birthday is November 27.  According to the Playing Cards birthday chart my new birthday, which was formerly an Eight of Diamonds for July 7, is now a Six of Hearts for November 27. What it all means is not entirely clear to me but it it now would make me a Sagittarius, a mutable fire sign instead of a cardinal water sign as I was before.  I shall have to look into what it all means even though I have never really gotten into the whole astrology and have remained a skeptic all of my life. Perhaps that has changed too.

The party was wonderful.  I recognized a man who used to be in my men’s New Warrior group who I haven’t seen for a few years and I finally remembered his name and when I introduced myself to him he didn’t recognize me at all. After a few moments when he finally realized who I was, he was flabbergasted at how much I had changed. I had several conversations with women friends who regard me very highly as a beautiful woman while I still look in the mirror and see the old man looking back at me.  Still when I look at myself in the shower my skin feels so soft and my perky little breasts seem much firmer and of course are much more sensitive since I started the hormone therapy. One woman even put it in a way that made me laugh. she said I did a much better woman than she ever remembered me as a man. She said I appeared so much more confident and comfortable in my own skin.   She’s right, I know I am a much better person now than I have ever been before in my whole life.  As I have said before and I will say again, I love being a girl!

I must get some sleep now because I must be up early to get ready for my first training day to become a bartender.  I’ve done all my homework and have everything ready to go for an hour’s drive and about six hours of training and I feel more than ready but still feel scared and nervous that I am embarking on learning a whole new career entirely as a woman.  No more baby steps, I’m strutting my stuff full bore.



About Deanna Joy Hallmark

I am a post-op transgender woman who has now completed transition and living my life as the woman I was born to be. I have been writing my blog, now titled "A Spy in the Enemy Camp - A transgender woman’s perspective from having lived as a man among men" since December 2011. Originally a record of my process and feelings in transition, last summer in 2013 it took on observations from both sides of the gender binary and now will also be looking at my past life pretending to be the man I never was and how it finally brought me to where I am today, the beautiful intelligent woman I had always believed I should have been since I was little.
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