Keeping my eye on the prize

My latest challenges are two and they both are so much of equal importance that I can not neglect one while seeking the other.  The first is finding a part time or full time job being openly a transgender female in order to pay the mounting credit card and medical bills I am accumulating.  The second is finding another place to live to give my male housemate for the past year back his space.  I can no longer pretend to be something that I’m not and at the same time I am feeling crushed under the weight of my own history which has certainly not prepared me for what I have chosen to embark upon.

Each day I am faced with the fact that all I can do now is be brazen enough to claim my identity as a member of an exclusive to all males club as best as I can, knowing that I am already living my dream life of being an uncomplicated woman with her heart on her sleeve.

For the past few days I have been up against the proverbial wall emotionally and all I can do is what comes up next to do.  Today my job as the woman I want to be was writing a cumbersome resume and cover letter which bore out my unique situation fully and openly, hot waxing my torso from neck to bikini line including my B-cup breasts avoiding a big mess with a plastic dropcloth, disposable gloves and panties and lastly to write a second email to a potential house sharing situation being as frank and open as I can be.

So I will take each day as it comes and each night I will take off my makeup, bathe myself and dress up in satiny lingerie and flowing skirt and savor the joy of being a girl.

Like the struggle for Civil rights in the 1960’s, all I can do now is keep my “eye on the prize” and live each day as fully as possible.


About Deanna Joy Hallmark

I am a post-op transgender woman who has now completed transition and living my life as the woman I was born to be. I have been writing my blog, now titled "A Spy in the Enemy Camp - A transgender woman’s perspective from having lived as a man among men" since December 2011. Originally a record of my process and feelings in transition, last summer in 2013 it took on observations from both sides of the gender binary and now will also be looking at my past life pretending to be the man I never was and how it finally brought me to where I am today, the beautiful intelligent woman I had always believed I should have been since I was little.
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