Beauty really does come from within

This morning I had a consultation with a local cosmetic surgeon regarding both facial surgery and liposuction.  My first impression upon entering his office was that it appeared very much like the spa where I’m currently having laser hair removal and very much decorated to appeal to women.  I felt very comfortable while sitting in the waiting room, even though I knew going in that this particular surgeon did not specialize in feminization surgery.

Anyway, the consultation was very short, perhaps no more than ten minutes. We talked about both liposuction for abdominal fat and the various face-lift options and he was careful not to lead the discussion but let me speak about where I wanted to go.  While the discussion about liposuction was informative, the discussion about facial surgery was less so and in the end, the fact that I am currently taking blood-thinning medication and also considering estrogen therapy, either procedure would not be an option for me until my clotting factors are normal.

I thanked the doctor for his time and quietly left the office, returning to my car feeling somewhat at a loss but thinking ahead about finding a surgeon in Albuquerque who might be able to provide me with more options for feminizing surgery than this local doctor.  I drove home and decided to have more to eat for breakfast as I didn’t have enough time before the appointment to cook something so I proceeded to chop up some vegetables and make myself an omelette. Being hungry was a good sign that I was in good spirits despite any resolution to my issue of concern about my appearance.

What I ultimately came away with this morning was a choice and that choice was between two important questions about my living my life as a woman. Is it more important for me how I appear on the outside, which can be corrected by facelifts and liposuction or is it more important for me how I feel on the inside, which I believe will be the most important aspect of the hormone therapy?

Since I truly believe that beauty really comes from within, the answer to that question seems simple enough, don’t you think?  And you know what?  I feel hungry again? I wonder if I have some chocolate in the house to celebrate.


About Deanna Joy Hallmark

I am a post-op transgender woman who has now completed transition and living my life as the woman I was born to be. I have been writing my blog, now titled "A Spy in the Enemy Camp - A transgender woman’s perspective from having lived as a man among men" since December 2011. Originally a record of my process and feelings in transition, last summer in 2013 it took on observations from both sides of the gender binary and now will also be looking at my past life pretending to be the man I never was and how it finally brought me to where I am today, the beautiful intelligent woman I had always believed I should have been since I was little.
This entry was posted in Possibilities, Shift Happens, Sisterhood and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Beauty really does come from within

  1. Blue says:

    How are you going to afford all these different treatments? Aren’t they expensive?

    • You are right, Blue, all these treatments are expensive and the truth is that I can neither afford all of them or are all of them appropriate for me to pursue. It’s a real process of discovery to be able to discern what I can or cannot do to enhance my outward feminine beauty, just as it is for any woman. If you got the point of the post it was discovering in the midst of all that is available to enhance my feminine beauty on the outside, that my real feminine beauty comes from how I feel within.

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