Today I made an appointment at a local Medical Spa for a consultation about having laser hair removal on my face. What I know about the procedure is that the hair must be dark but as I have been letting my beard grow out these past couple of days most of what I am seeing is gray. I wonder how this can be because as I have been shaving my face real closely each and every day before I put on a makeup base, all that I can see is the black shadow of my beard that even makeup has a hard time covering up.
Right at this moment I am very disappointed and worried but at the same time I am holding on to the hope that there is a solution to this problem without having to go through the time and expense of electrolysis which, according to an electrolysis person I spoke to just yesterday, could take up to a year to complete.
The problem that arises at this moment does so from the idea that I must be able to appear as much a woman as is possible on the outside in order to feel as much a woman on the inside. I have challenged this notion by the way I have proceeded in my coming out, but the issue still nags me at least a couple of times a day. Still, at night, when I am alone with my body, mind and soul, I can believe that I am that woman I want to be but when I go out into the public eye in the light of day, the doubts creep back in.
Still, I often feel this way whenever it is time for going to sleep and lately I have awakened in the morning with a whole new outlook on the situation. Perhaps if I just relax and let the next thirteen hours until my appointment pass with the belief that there is a solution that will present itself in its proper time and that exists at a higher level of consciousness than that in which the problem is perceived, I can let my concerns fade as I fade into a blissful state of dreaming that I am already where I want to be.
Good night, dear friends.