The adventure continues

I woke up this morning in the pre-dawn hours feeling a tingling in my nipples. I cup my breasts in my hands for a moment and then decide to get up and put on a bra.  Then as I start to get back into bed I feel a sensation in my penis and think to myself that this is not my penis but my clitoris so I get up and put on a tighter pair of panties and feel more comfortable.  Then I sit down to my computer to record it all as it is happening.

I start to feel chilly so I put my flannel jammie bottoms that I saved from my men’s clothes that I packed away on Friday morning and then a women’s hoodie that I bought.  As I zip up the hoodie I look down and admire my breasts as the show over the top of my bra cups and feel comfortable once again.

When I first became aware of myself this morning I remembered a time back in 1977 when I was sitting in my kitchen in Albuquerque, NM with a friend with who I had done the est Training earlier that year.  We had become friends and where having a dinner of salad, chicken and steak and talking about what men seem to talk about a lot which is, of course, having sex with women.

My friend, whose name I have forgotten, was telling me that when he had sex with a woman, that what he enjoyed most about having sex was the depositing of his ejaculate into her vagina.  Listening to him, I started to squirm in my chair.

Why didn’t I feel that way?  Was there something wrong with me?  I didn’t want to talk about it anymore as I felt a distancing from my friend rather than the closeness I had felt a few moments before.  I had to put the whole image out of my mind as quickly as possible.

As I finish writing the last paragraph I lean back in my chair and cross my arms under my breasts for a moment, something I have always noticed in women when I sense that they are feeling uncomfortable.   I stretch my arms way out to my sides and arch my back a moment and relax once more.

I step away from my computer, open my bedroom door and step into the cold hallway.  I set the thermostat up to 74 and open the shade and shutters in the dining room bay window.  I boil some water and make myself a cup of chai.

I have been drinking a whole lot more water lately. In fact, I now keep at least two bottles in the bathroom, my bedroom and in other places around the house so that they are convenient.  I read somewhere that women get dehydrated more quickly than men but there seems to not be a consensus among researchers whether this is true.  Just a thought.

I feel the stubble of my beard on my face.  As a man, I felt that shaving was such a chore but now I love the sensation of shaving which is something I often do several times a day now that I must make my face look more feminine.

I get up and head for my bathroom and as I see myself in the mirror I unzip my hoodie to admire my breast in the mirror.  They are small but adequately fill the B-cup demi bra I am wearing and they do look lovely over top of the lacy cups.

I lean over the sink to was my face with Dove.  I shave my face and instead of  putting on makeup to cover the shadow I simply powder it.  The powder gets on my black hoodie so I unzip it and pull it down to hang around my waist while I finish powdering my face and then I powder my breasts over the cups of my bra.  It feels so natural to do that.

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About Deanna Joy Hallmark

I am a post-op transgender woman who has now completed transition and living my life as the woman I was born to be. I have been writing my blog, now titled "A Spy in the Enemy Camp - A transgender woman’s perspective from having lived as a man among men" since December 2011. Originally a record of my process and feelings in transition, last summer in 2013 it took on observations from both sides of the gender binary and now will also be looking at my past life pretending to be the man I never was and how it finally brought me to where I am today, the beautiful intelligent woman I had always believed I should have been since I was little.
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One Response to The adventure continues

  1. Kevin Weedon says:

    I honour you and your decision to live in harmony with your deepest self! I know several transwomen, know the hurdles they must jump, but see also the satisfaction and peace they gain.

    I wish you well in your journey!

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